Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
