The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
