you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
