I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
