I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
