Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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