remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
