So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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