Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
