3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
