hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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