just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
