I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
