Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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