I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
