I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
