the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
