walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
