I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
