she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize