...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
