i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
