it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
