Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
