Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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