32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
