Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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