I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just had sex bonerless
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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