Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
