If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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