Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
