My room smells like vodka and shame
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
