I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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