This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
