And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
