I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
