There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
