I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They took my balls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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