Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
