I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
