You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
