Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
