Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
