Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
