there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
