Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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