I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
