Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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