Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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