I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
