You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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