I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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