Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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