haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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