you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
