I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
