First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
