She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize