Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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