So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
